What’s Happening to Me?

I love the following line and I use it often: I haven’t cried in a movie since Free Willy. When I’ve said it in the past, it’s like I was showing off. Showing off what? Who knows.

This sounds strange but secretly, I’ve always wanted to be the type of guy who could cry. The thought goes something like this: Men who are men have nothing to be ashamed about. I’ve seen it happen when you’d see really tough dudes…weathered guys like Steve Harvey, Denzel, Johnny Cash, Obama…and, they wouldn’t cry, but you’d see them well up in what seems to be the right moment for a tear or two.

When it happens…man…it’s just a magical sight to behold.

There are guys, of course who take it too far (see: John Boehner) but I’ve always strived to be the former.

Recently (and by recently, I mean the last couple years or so), the rusty pipes inside got greased up or something…the waterworks are starting to fly. The first couple times it happened, I was pleased. They were brave, quivery type of tears that seemed to sprout up in just the right moment.

I cried in movies like Wall-E and Up and I was so happy that some innocent, un-contrived moment plucked at my heart strings after so many emotionally dormant years. I was proud. I even showed them off. Show off what? Who knows.

But it felt good to be human. It felt good to experience an emotion that was brought on by a sort of…collective human understanding of what is emotional, what is painful and bittersweet…and what is not. It gave me a sense of belonging.

Unfortunately, it seems that Pandora’s box has been ripped open. I think what’s happened is that I’ve become addicted to this feeling of being plugged in to a humanist recognition. In everything, I started over-empathizing to the point where the slightest little trigger is starting to set me off.

I find myself welling up in movies like Inception, I am Legend and The Karate Kid (Jackie Chan version). Old movies that had no effect on me in the past like Moulin Rouge and Ghost are bringing up soulful new pains.

I think I teared up in a Toyota commercial last week.

What’s happening to me?

I’m usually good at providing sound theories as to why I am the way I am, but on this point, I’m utterly flummoxed. Could it be changing hormones? Could it be a new identification with a gentler, softer masculinity? Could it be that I’ve gone through some subconscious trauma?

I’m all ears, people. If you’ve got a theory…please. I have to figure out what’s going on. If you’re going through what I’m going through, call me and we can start a support group.

All I know is that I watched the clip below and I was incapacitated for a good ten minutes.

Somebody…anybody…please.

Tell me that I’m not losing my mind.

Freakin’ Coldplay man.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “What’s Happening to Me?

  1. lol. you’re a chandler!

  2. lily

    I would like to see this happen

  3. Kelli

    I know this blog was posted a long time ago… but my mom sent me this video, don’t know if you’ve seen it… I remembered your blog and thought that I’d send it to you =P haha I’ve been having a similar “problem” ever since I turned … 25 or so? must be the hormones, huh?
    This one is not a big tear-jerker… but it does give you a little knot-in-the-chest feeling =)
    http://joshspector.com/2011/02/13/now-this-is-a-great-commercial/?utm_source=f&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+JoshSpector+%28JoshSpector.com%29

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