Sweatpants: Hmmmm?! huh? Hello?
Me: Hey. Sorry to wake you up.
Sweatpants: What month is it?
Me: It’s uh…it’s still April.
Sweatpants: April?! April what?
Me: April 29…
Sweatpants: What the hell are you waking me up for??
Me: Well, I need you.
Sweatpants: What do you mean you need me?!…I’m hibernating for God’s sakes! I’m not supposed to see your ugly mug til’ November.
Me: I know! I know…we talked about this though. I told you this might happen.
Sweatpants: Look, I don’t care where we are, I’m going back to sleep. Your skinny ass legs can freeze for all I care.
Me: C’mon. It’s not my fault that the weathers like this here. If you think about it, you’ve been pampered all your life. No other sweatpants in the world gets 7 consecutive months off.
Sweatpants: OHHHH…so you’re going to play that card?? You’re gonna throw that in my face?
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m just so frackin’ cold at night. No one can keep me warm like you can baby.
Sweatpants: Don’t you start that sweet talk with me. Look, even if I wanted to, my threads can’t handle this on again off again action. I just can’t. I need my beauty rest.
Me: How bout I make it worth your while?
Sweatpants: What do you have in mind?
Me: How bout, I start wearing some new boxers you can flirt with.
Sweatpants: I’m listening.
Me: Brand new Hanes. I can get em tomorrow. You guys can hit it off…you know, get real cozy…then who knows?
Sweatpants: Listen partner, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than Hanes if you’re gonna get me into bed.
Me: Well, what would you prefer?
Sweatpants: Silk. I want some silk action.
Me: You dirty son of a bitch. You know I can’t sleep in silk.
Sweatpants: Those are my terms. Take it or leave.
Me: Goddamn it sweatpants! If my room wasn’t so cold, I’d chuck you in the dryer right now…
Sweatpants: Then where would you be? Freezing your ass off with dem half-pants you call shorts.
Sweatpants: I want to hear you say it.
Me: SILK! OK? GEEZ.
Sweatpants: Ok then.
Sweatpants: You know this is stupid right?
Me: Couldn’t agree with you more.
Sweatpants: How are your Lakers doing?
Me: so-so. Better than the Dodgers.
Sweatpants: Who or what is a Dodger?
Me: Just…just shut up and get on.