The Punch List- Security Britches

After getting off to a great start on my Punch List, spearheaded by adulterous politician John Edwards, I have since failed to find anyone worthy of my fist. That is, until this weekend.

Why do we take off our shoes at the airport?

Because of this guy, Richard Reid.

The so-called shoe bomber hid PETN in the lining of his shoe and tried to blow up an airliner headed to Miami in December of 2001.

I’m sure his goal was to kill people, be hailed a martyr, and be awarded his virgins in the afterlife. Instead, he’s rotting away in a prison and all he managed to do was add 30 minutes to everyone’s flight commute.

I’m sure you all saw PETN come up again over the weekend. This numbnuts had it hidden in his underwear.

I’ll just go ahead and ask what everyone’s been thinking:

What does this do for flight security procedures now? Does this mean no more commando flights? Damn it!

And Abdul, I know you didn’t expect to fail, but you certainly should have prepared for it. Instead of going down as a martyr, you too will be rotting in prison and will forever be known as the underwear bomber.  How embarrassing. At least shoe bomber or unabomber had some ring to it. But I guess that’s what happens when you mix youth and stupidity with religious myopia and extremism.

A dud.

And while I’m at it, let me just say what else is on everyone’s mind.

Fuck you, terrorists.

Richard Reid, Abdul Farouk Abdul Mutallab, Osama Bin Laden, and all you terror-loving terrorists in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen:

You are Next!

PS: I hope I don’t get flagged on an FBI watch list after this post. I did say “bomb” quite a few times.  Government, if you happen to be reading this, I’m totally just kidding.

PPS: Ask anyone. They’ll tell you that I’m in love with Obama.


And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.






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7 responses to “The Punch List- Security Britches

  1. Lilian

    CRIPSY! ❤ i have to point out that it's PPS and PPPS and PPPPS and so forth. for Post-post-script

  2. Elisabeth

    If anyone comes for your Chris, I will vouch for you. As a once future-president for this country, that ought to stand for something, right? 🙂

  3. Connie

    thanks for signaling out Muslim and Middle-Eastern terrorists, because they’re the only terrorists ever. Seung-Hui Cho? Columbine? Oklahoma City? the KKK? Not Muslim, still terrorists.

  4. Dry Elbows

    you meant to say “singling” Connie, but i agree.

  5. Pingback: Punch List: Useyerhead « Figs and Fodder

  6. Pingback: The Punch List: Ass Monkey Professors at Teachers College « Figs and Fodder

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